Please let others know of your struggles, your fights and your victories, tell us your story as we will tell you ours. We are just everyday people like yourselves just living one day at a time. We would like you to know we do understand for we all here have walked the same path as you, have been hurt by others made to feel unworthy and filthy for what we had rather than who we were. You will never be judged here for your illnesses, beliefs, sexual orientation, or appearance. but rather loved for just being yourself. Here are just a few stories of others, written in their own words, tell us of how they are survivors.
( all stories shall be subject to review pryer to release, vulgarity of any nature will not be tolerated. we understand that though the stories may at times be graphic in nature please try to keep the vulgarity to a minimum. thank you for your understanding and help in this matter.) A FATHERS DUTY
Written by Gary R. Blaylock My name is “DADDY”, I have HIV and I am not ashamed, I am not a monster and I’m not society’s “little skeleton in the closet.” to be forgotten. The stigma that has been attached to HIV/AIDS is nothing more than an attack by society in order to try and control those of us that have been infected. I have noticed that the information and stigmas on HIV/AIDS around the world is as adverse as the people that are affected. I as an individual have been ignored and pushed aside. Society and the HIV/AIDS community acts the same way in this respect. I have been accused of being too loud and abrasive, to forth coming with my condition or (get this) unwilling to let things be. “It is not your place to tell people to get tested nor get educated and become active in the fight against this illness”. Since I have been infected I have made friends from around the world. To make my point, here are a few examples, of the stigmas surrounding HIV/AIDS. (1.) Only gay or bi-sexual men can get HIV. (2.) It is a drug user’s problem, not mine,” I don’t do drugs”. (3.) Touching someone with HIV can make you sick. (4.) From Kenya; you can only get HIV if you’re a prostitute and sleep with white people. These are some of the things I have heard just this past year. I have talked to teachers, doctors, lawyers and other professionals whom after a ten question survey told me they thought they were smart. “When a person is taught wrong, they are smart wrong.” It is sometimes easier to teach someone who know nothing, than change the mind of someone who thinks they know everything. I have 5 wonderful children and each of them touch my heart in their own unique way. I didn't feel like a hero or superman any more it was just the opposite. The kids didn't know what was wrong just that dad didn't feel good and was always tired. I had really lost a lot of weight at first that along with the meds had made me only half a person. I felt that way most of the time as it was and if I wasn't getting sick, I was so tired I couldn't hardly do a thing, people who didn't know what was going on would call me lazy and say I was an unfit father for not doing more for the kids, there wasn't a day that went by I didn't exhaust myself completely taking care of my kids. I have always worked and done my best for my family and now just getting out of bed some days was too much for me. The Ex and all our friends would say I'm fine I'm just trying to get sympathy or get them to do everything, so I could sit around and be lazy. The kids are smarter than people think and would ask me, “What is wrong daddy?” ”Why are you sick?”, “Why do people stay away from our house?” “Why have our friends stopped playing with us, and started calling us names and picking fights with us?” How do you tell them “Kids you have done nothing wrong.” “It is all daddies fault because I’m sick.” How do you look into the eyes of your kids and tell them any of it without wanting to hit someone or something. The depression was getting worse and worse by the day. The kids were miserable and unable or unwilling to even go outside most of the time for fear that the other kids in the neighborhood would start fights with them and call them names. My Duty as a father is to protect my kids. Now I have to protect them from me, from my illness or should I say the stigmas society has created. Telling a seven year old not to help when daddy cuts himself cooking or trying to keep a three year old out of your blood, when all they are trying to do is help their daddy and you push them away for their own safety to protect them. I still hear them crying in their rooms “cause daddy is mad for no reason.” “No one likes them anymore not even daddy.” You never hear anybody talking about that in the meetings or how to explain to a thirteen year old why she can’t tell her friends or wait until daddy gets better to have sleepovers and when she asks someone else about HIV/AIDS they tell her only gays and drug addicts get it so she is safe. The day she asked me if I was a drug user or gay about ripped out my heart. My Duty as a father is the same as any other father out there that part is true. Make sure they are safe, watch over them, feed them and love them with all your heart. I do that every day for my kids, just not right there with them. I do it from an hour away cause until I moved out from where they still live. They hated life and starting to hate me. The neighbor kids now play with them and no longer make fun of them so they are happier, Isn't that what all parents want for their kids to be happy and healthy, I know it is, so then tell me why do I feel like it is going to kill me every day I'm away from them and can't hold them or love them. I have your answer “Society is still closed minded and undereducated about HIV/AIDS.” I have been told to be quiet don't tell people that I'm infected, that I have HIV/AIDS. I ask you, is that for my protection or theirs? I am now pushed to the point that I would scream it from the rooftops, if I thought people would just stop long enough to listen and realize. I'm just a dad who misses his kids and wants nothing more than to make them happy. Please I beg of you. Get educated, get tested and get involved. Let me the father they need and let me do My Duty. From Randy
This is hard for me IM HIV never in my wildest dream would I see this . In dec 26 2010 found out I was HIV poz I don't realize where I was at my wife took me in to the hospital where they told me I had pcp took me to another hospital 60 mil away . Looking back now I was just die will close as you can get my brain was here but My body check out . See I lost 80 lb couldn't breath on my only my wife,kids,my mom see me all the doctors said he has HIV that why is like this just pull the plug my family said no I will made it .the nurses was robots ( well in my head was) I just seein my wife I try to spell all the nurse just said I don't know what you are spelling . Again a when my wife kids come up to see me ooo he as aids he's not going to make it. Spent a month in there kept on saying I went to go home all I wanted to die at home not there but my family keep me alive . See I couldn't do nothing like a baby they wipe my ass and help me hold that damn thing to pee in . Then I got a try to bath my self nope but I fail at that to fell in the walk in shower I then found a amazing doctor and the best ASO people in my state .my kids and wife son-in-law took care of me but most of all to my self I was not going out without a bang and seein my kids have. Kids and get married . It all happen in 2012 now I'm here to stay nothing will get me down I'm UD 211 c4 . Thanxs for reading from River Beeee
A way to see and understand about life being pos. There are 5 stages that we mentally/emotionally go through once you pass through just the senseless fear of being tested. Stage 1-- You think being diagnosed as pos means a death sentence. Your fear is so great that you just about want to just die instead of the suffering that you think lays ahead of you. You can't sleep eat or even think. All you want to do is cry and find a hole to live in. But then comes..... Stage 2 --You realize that the world didn't stop and that life actually still goes on . But you realize that life will never really be the same and you think of the what ifs. Each day that the sun rises and sets you find yourself accepting that this is here to stay . You want to find out every bit of information that your hands can get a hold of . You research all the research. You inquire about lab work and the more you try to figure it all out the more your head just wants to go POP!!! Your totally overwhelmed by it all, exhausted and then comes ......... Stage 3-- You see that the only knowlege that you really need is that which pertains to you. And you see that although life has changed it's still ok . Sure you may wonder about who you can confide in . You learn about personal choices. You have a really good grip on what this all means. You may even being going to support groups to see how others are doing things with life. I call this also the color stage. That's when you see your life as a good thing again, The blues are bluer, greens greener, yellow brighter and reds bolder. Life actually looks good and you see that the problems in life that seemed sooo big are really quite insignificant now. This is a life changing stage that brings you to ...... Stage 4-- You want to help others that are just coming to terms with their diagnoses. You share how its not really any big deal, that there are worse illnesses that are unmanagable. You help them to see how in an odd way this diagnoses can actually be a blessing , Because you now see how precious it is and how you want all things to truly mean something. You may be back at work ( yes you can ) . Life actually looks like new opportunites . You see it's all just a matter of ATTITUDE ! And finally comes Stage 5--This is actually a stage that ALL folks pos or neg must face . And that is when our life will end. But since we have already looked at death in stage 1 , we now replace that fear with a more realistic approach. And this can be truly amazing. And alot depends on each individual. I had friends that embraced their death by planning it all out themselves. They didn't run in fear, they took charge and empowered themselves . They realized it was just another stepping stone in their journey , a new chapter in their lives. And I can say I am soo blest to see the example they showed me. I know this was long , but I believe well worth the insight. Comment Funny how the more things change the more they stay they same. But when Hiv steps into the picture then it becomes , the more things change the more things change. But those changes don't have to be a bad thing.It's all a matter of attitude and perspective. Even how my family reacted wasn't bad . I guess it was because it became the trade off of a life of drug addiction And since I didn't view it as any big thing, even made jokes about how we develope horns on our head they realized that they too had issues of their own . Not greater or less but that it was just an issue to live with . And so life goes on filled with bumps and smooth sailing. Just keep the Son shining in your life and enjoy the ride. from Amanda
Comment I dont have HIV or Aids however a good friend of mine does, and I am proud of the way he has stood up and not hid the fact that he has HIV he's not ashamed and stands up for himself, I wish more people were not so close minded about HIV or Aids. To anyone, anywhere suffered from any disease or illness keep your head held high and never let anyone tell you your nothing because its not true. |
With all that is going on in this country with all lives matter, black lives matter and blue lives matter; there is still a group that is discriminated against. The straight HIV community is still fighting to keep jobs or being looked down upon for an illness they have no control over.
Many of them hide within their own homes and never let others know their status. This is VERY unacceptable. I have found that most funding goes... to the LGBT groups within the larger cities of this country. As for the rural areas of this country we do not exist, we are not even counted!! The monies will not go our way. How do we change this? How do we get the education and awareness out to all parts of this country? We have already seen in Indiana what happens when this is ignored and not talked about. It gets messy!!! They want to teach young kids about the LGBT life style. Yet teaching about HIV/AIDS is not allowed.?!
I am ashamed of this country!!!! A country that doesn't feel it is necessary to teach HIV prevention but we can teach LGBT? A sector of this country that accounts for only 3.8% of the population. Yes, Gallup has shown only 3.8% of this country is gay. We give them all this money? We can not beat HIV if only certain groups are given the resources to combat HIV.
They (LGBT) has been fighting for years (supposedly) to no avail. The HIV/AIDS numbers continue to climb in the gay men population along with syphillis and gonorehhea. AND THEYE STILL GET ALL THESE MONIES?! Where is the accountability?
We need to revaluate how we can combat this uncontrolled illness within this country! Enough is enough when it comes to supporting the programs that do not work all they do is take money away form those who need it. Lets all take a long look at this situation and make a new game plan. One that works and get the money to those who truly need it! Stop feeding a beast that only thinks of itself!! They do NOT support those they say they are supporting. They are supporting their own agenda, monopolizing the spotlight and feeding their own greed. No one else matters
Many of them hide within their own homes and never let others know their status. This is VERY unacceptable. I have found that most funding goes... to the LGBT groups within the larger cities of this country. As for the rural areas of this country we do not exist, we are not even counted!! The monies will not go our way. How do we change this? How do we get the education and awareness out to all parts of this country? We have already seen in Indiana what happens when this is ignored and not talked about. It gets messy!!! They want to teach young kids about the LGBT life style. Yet teaching about HIV/AIDS is not allowed.?!
I am ashamed of this country!!!! A country that doesn't feel it is necessary to teach HIV prevention but we can teach LGBT? A sector of this country that accounts for only 3.8% of the population. Yes, Gallup has shown only 3.8% of this country is gay. We give them all this money? We can not beat HIV if only certain groups are given the resources to combat HIV.
They (LGBT) has been fighting for years (supposedly) to no avail. The HIV/AIDS numbers continue to climb in the gay men population along with syphillis and gonorehhea. AND THEYE STILL GET ALL THESE MONIES?! Where is the accountability?
We need to revaluate how we can combat this uncontrolled illness within this country! Enough is enough when it comes to supporting the programs that do not work all they do is take money away form those who need it. Lets all take a long look at this situation and make a new game plan. One that works and get the money to those who truly need it! Stop feeding a beast that only thinks of itself!! They do NOT support those they say they are supporting. They are supporting their own agenda, monopolizing the spotlight and feeding their own greed. No one else matters